I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
