The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
