Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
