hotel room ftw
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
