Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
