I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
