Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
