Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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