I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
