im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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