Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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