we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
