I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
