So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
