You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize