well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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