Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
