I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
