I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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