Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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