Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
