I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
