What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
