Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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