I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
