i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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