there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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