By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
