i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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