I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
