just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
