I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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