I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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