Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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