I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
