2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm really into asian looking animals
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
