my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
