If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
