Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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