I bet he comes in French.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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