hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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