I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
