I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
