You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
