i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize