does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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