I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
