i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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