I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
