That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
