You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I could fuck to npr.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
