8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
