How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
