Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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