for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
