I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
