Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
