Quick, to the slutcave!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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