She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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