ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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